With that said, i feel like the baby in this photo. For the past weeks i’ve been waiting for the energy and time to address one of the many future articles that i have in the works, pieces that have been drafted and half baked for many, many weeks now. Between summer travel and recovery from travel and trying to get my daughter back on eastern standard time and being woken every hour through the night and then her not having daytime naps and then not going to bed until 8:30pm and still cooking dinner almost every single night… I am just beat. I am so tired i could cry. And then when 10pm rolls around and i would love to get to sleep, i am both- so pumped full of the adrenaline that is likely making me function throughout the days that i am unable to wind down at night.. and i’m also relishing in the silent night time moments of hands-free, lap-free, focus-free FREEDOM so i can’t get myself to bed at a decent hour thus perpetuating this lack of sleep cycle which is slowing gnawing away at my sanity and energy and driving me mad (and writing impossibly long run on sentences)! The time is now 11:32pm. In a few minutes i will get into bed and nurse my girl and i will then probably be awoken a handful of times between midnight and 7am.
This has happened before. Only a couple of months ago i barreled into a small case of mother burn out because she was going through a restless patch and i am only one person with two boobs and two arms and i do not live in a village, though i wish i did. I love my daughter so much i can hardly stand it. I love my job as a mama more then anything on this planet and her glowing soul and adorable face are what gets me through the day with joy in my heart even when my eyelids are heavy like sandbags… and i don’t need much in the way of “me” time these days. A little goes a long way! This isn’t even about “me” time so much as it is about normal human restoration time. The lack of sleep at this very juncture is just killing me! God bless my husband who at times can hang with her in the morning to give me an extra hour of sleep. Without that i would be a wreck, but nothing replaces the restorative, consecutive sleep that we are intended to have during the night.
I have nothing to say. My mind is adrift in the dense fog of my exhaustion. I now understand sleep torture. This stop and go sleep pattern i’ve been in is brutal. It gets better and then worse and then better and then worse. It is what it is, but i just had to say, I AM IN SLEEPLESS-TEETHING-CONFUSED-TIME-ZONE-FOGGY-MAMA-LAND AND I WILL RETURN TO THE BLOGOSPHERE WHEN THE SWEET SOUNDS OF SILENCE RETURN TO MY DREAMS AND MY MIND RECOMBOBULATES.
I wish all you mamas out there sweet, sweet dreams!
Oh, and God Bless all you single moms and more-then-one-child moms! Seriously, may God just bless the bejesus out of you and your family.