I love this image, because isn’t it so true that when we are having a hard time with our baby’s it is most likely because they are having a hard time. It’s so important to know that.
With that said, i feel like the baby in this photo. For the past weeks i’ve been waiting for the energy and time to address one of the many future articles that i have in the works, pieces that have been drafted and half baked for many, many weeks now. Between summer travel and recovery from travel and trying to get my daughter back on eastern standard time and being woken every hour through the night and then her not having daytime naps and then not going to bed until 8:30pm and still cooking dinner almost every single night… I am just beat. I am so tired i could cry. And then when 10pm rolls around and i would love to get to sleep, i am both- so pumped full of the adrenaline that is likely making me function throughout the days that i am unable to wind down at night.. and i’m also relishing in the silent night time moments of hands-free, lap-free, focus-free FREEDOM so i can’t get myself to bed at a decent hour thus perpetuating this lack of sleep cycle which is slowing gnawing away at my sanity and energy and driving me mad (and writing impossibly long run on sentences)! The time is now 11:32pm. In a few minutes i will get into bed and nurse my girl and i will then probably be awoken a handful of times between midnight and 7am.
This has happened before. Only a couple of months ago i barreled into a small case of mother burn out because she was going through a restless patch and i am only one person with two boobs and two arms and i do not live in a village, though i wish i did. I love my daughter so much i can hardly stand it. I love my job as a mama more then anything on this planet and her glowing soul and adorable face are what gets me through the day with joy in my heart even when my eyelids are heavy like sandbags… and i don’t need much in the way of “me” time these days. A little goes a long way! This isn’t even about “me” time so much as it is about normal human restoration time. The lack of sleep at this very juncture is just killing me! God bless my husband who at times can hang with her in the morning to give me an extra hour of sleep. Without that i would be a wreck, but nothing replaces the restorative, consecutive sleep that we are intended to have during the night.
I have nothing to say. My mind is adrift in the dense fog of my exhaustion. I now understand sleep torture. This stop and go sleep pattern i’ve been in is brutal. It gets better and then worse and then better and then worse. It is what it is, but i just had to say, I AM IN SLEEPLESS-TEETHING-CONFUSED-TIME-ZONE-FOGGY-MAMA-LAND AND I WILL RETURN TO THE BLOGOSPHERE WHEN THE SWEET SOUNDS OF SILENCE RETURN TO MY DREAMS AND MY MIND RECOMBOBULATES.
I wish all you mamas out there sweet, sweet dreams!
Oh, and God Bless all you single moms and more-then-one-child moms! Seriously, may God just bless the bejesus out of you and your family.
CONSCIOUS MAMAS 
Cute article…bless the mom’s
Sent from my iPhone
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Oh my poor daughter! What I wouldn’t give to be in the same zip code to help relieve you during these times 😦 besides wanting to see each and every moment – I miss you both so much! But you are one of the strongest woman I know so this too shall pass!!! Loving you all so much! Xoxo
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been there, done that! ans in my case…still doing it to a different degree. roberto is almost three and still doesn’t sleep through the night…and nurses a couple of times. i just accept that this is part of the deal and that women are made stronger for this very purpose. i can tell you this…somehow, someway your body and mind find the energy. taps into a deeper well that i for one never knew existed…and just like that you are capable of rolling with all the changes and increased needs. your experience is all of our experiences. i guess there is a reason nature makes them so darn cute…and worth it all!
signed,
still tired after 34 months…
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Jessica,
I never met you in person and don’t know much more than that we share the same parenting beliefs and live in the same city… But I know what it feels like to be so exhausted that you believe you can’t stand another day, to decide never to look at the clock again at night when the little one sleeping next to you seems to have just fallen asleep and is awaking again, clinging to you as the sole source of comfort and security existent in her little world. I know how dead tired you must be and how painful it can be to feel that besides being completely worn out you’re ever so often not understood and questioned about your decisions on how to raise your child. Stay strong Mama, every moment of sleep sacrificed, every worn out day is worth it and at some point, sooner or later, this too shall pass, peacefully and in perfect harmony with Veda’s developmental milestones. I believed it would never happen but it does, nights get better, sleep phases get longer and no one will ever take away those priceless moments when you wake up next to your daughter’s smiling face… Stay strong and always know that there are others awake as well during the nighttime in the same boat and sleeping way to little and together we build a stronger, more peaceful and happier tomorrow…
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