I have an appreciative husband. I would say that, for the most part, he totally gets how intense being a stay at home mother is and how challenging it is to get much else done in a day other then being the calm at the center of a toddler-cane. But every now and then he questions, “Why didn’t you call such and such?” “Have you paid this bill yet?” “I’ve already reminded you to XYZ…” Catch my drift? And I get it. It’s hard to fully understand why I would nap midday while my house looks like we were robbed and our clean laundry has been sitting in the dryer for two days. So today when he half jokingly half seriously mentioned how I still had yet to make that call for which he has left me a note in several places over the course of four days, I told him that for Mother’s Day I wanted a rambling, articulate, verbose, detailed and oozing with pride & joy expression of his gratitude for me as the mother of our child.
Tonight while I was nursing Moon to sleep I realized that, while I will very happily drink up the goodness of that Mother’s day gift from him, it was high time I gave that level of appreciation to myself!
I am an AMAZING mom. I am an epically great mother, even with my flaws, short-comings, limitations and frequent lapses in patience, presence and peace, I am the stuff of Goddesses…. and here’s why.
Here is my mother’s day gift to myself that I will dip into whenever I fall into the shadows and forget what a dynamic woman I am. I invite you to do the same for yourself!
I am a great mama because…..
I take the job very seriously and lightly all at once. We have so much fun, but I also take the emotional and spiritual responsibility deep into heart. As a result, I breakdown and face walls within myself and I am proud that I understand the depth and karmic nature of the task at hand. I see my path of motherhood (and womanhood) to be as active developmentally as that of my daughters. I am 200% committed to my own growth as a person because I want to be the most expansive version of myself, but also because I want to be mindful of what old fractures I’m lugging into the space and development of this amazing whole being. I am also 200% committed to her emotional literacy and wellbeing, and I educate myself on her developmental and neurological whereabouts so that I can respond to her daily “stuff” with grace and understanding. I can’t even tell you how proud it does me when Moon says something like, “I am angry right now because…. Can you play with me to help me feel better?” I mean, she is two years old! I know many adults who can’t express their emotions and needs that clearly. I am constantly working through my own crap so that I don’t carry outdated beliefs, reactions, wounds and fears into my daughters sphere or passing along things that don’t serve either one of us. I am not perfect and nor will she be, but I am super proud of the effort that goes into keeping us both as heathy and whole as possible! It takes hard inner work to unconceal shadows and bring light into the dark, especially when you’re getting triggered on the front lines and don’t have a lot of spare time to reflect upon what bomb has actually been set off within you. I am a great mama because even when we have a bad day, a day where I am tired, aggravated or lacking in patience, a day where she is acting out in response to my human limitations, I still do my best to take deep breaths and apologize when I feel I have been too controlling or just not that present. I am a good mama because I spend more energy getting to know my daughters personality, temperament and nature then trying to change her or make her obedient. It’s a hard road sometimes, but I am so proud of the energy, effort and awareness that I bring to our relationship. I am a great mama because if I fail I try again the next day. I mend our disconnections with humility and humanity. I am not perfect and I am proud of showing my daughter how to navigate life through healthy modeling. I am really proud of how much space I give her to develop naturally and at her own pace. I am proud to see her sleep patterns changing knowing that I never gave up on her need for me as an infant even though the sleep deprivation was driving me certifiably insane. And I am proud that I never forced solid foods, despite popular opinions and pressure, because she wasn’t very interested until she was around 18 months old. And that I have nursed her on demand for over two years now and this kid really loves her “boobies”. Let’s just say, I have made a lot of milk over the years and it wasn’t all oxitocyn-induced good times! And now at 2 years old she has a wide ranging palate and love of fresh real food. I really appreciate the fact that I cook pretty much all of our food from scratch and my daughter likes to make sure it’s “organix” when choosing fruit at the market. I feel really proud that my kid doesn’t eat much (or any) refined sugar and that dried mangos might as well be a fruit roll-up to her! I am proud too that I relaxed some of my intensity around the occasional sweet and sometimes we all just get to eat ice cream together. I’m so proud of how selflessly I have put her first, but am also learning to put myself first a little bit too and that feels really great. I love how much fun we have even with all the “heavy lifting” involved in the job! I love that we often make breakfast time into a disco dance party and that we run around in our undies together and let it all go even when there is so much to do around the house. I love that I often leave the laundry in the dryer for days so that I can take Veda off on an adventure and then go to bed early that night, forgoing my chores again, so that I have the energy to do it all over again in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I was better able to do it all. The clean house, the food from scratch, the happy kid and my sanity… But I’d rather have a happy kid and sanity more then anything else. And most of all, I am proud that I have my priorities straight.
Happy and blessed Mama’s day to all of you supreme goddesses who dive deep into the karmic jungle of motherhood and live to cook another meal!
Oh, and a giant grateful hug and shout out to my own mama and grandmas… the ladies who brought me, and thereby, Moon into this world so that we can work it out and live it up. Thank you, Mom. I love you. And to my spiritual godmama who reminded me who I was when I forgot, and helped me recover wholeness along the way. Mom’s are the best!